How the BullyGods Invented Dinosaurs Just to Avoid Walking
I. Post-Creation Fatigue
So, the universe existed.
Not that the BullyGods meant to make it—it just kind of happened. One bark, one burst of cosmic nonsense, and suddenly there were planets, stars, gravity, and several unnecessary moons.
Naturally, after crafting all that… they were exhausted.
Not in the "let’s take a break and reflect" way.
In the "absolutely not walking" kind of way.
II. The Divine Laziness Problem
You see, BullyGods are eternal beings, but they have one very mortal trait: they hate being on their feet.
So when they looked out across the lush, steaming paradise they had accidentally birthed, they had one collective thought:
“This is beautiful. Now how do we see it… without moving?”
III. Enter the Thunder-Lizards
And so they created dinosaurs.
Not for balance. Not for biodiversity.
For transport.
Massive, lumbering, leaf-munching creatures with broad backs and good attitudes—the original rideshare service for divine beings. They called them Thunder-Lizards, which sounded cooler than "really big walking chairs with tails."
These beasts roamed the jungles and swamps of early Earth, carrying the BullyGods across the terrain like royal pups in a prehistoric UberXL.
IV. The Need for Refreshment
But even gods—especially lazy ones—get thirsty. And bouncing through the tropics on a 20-ton lizard under three suns? That’s sweaty work, even if you’re omnipotent.
So, while being ferried from mountaintop to volcano rim, one of the BullyGods summoned a fresh, bold, hoppy brew.
Crisp enough to cool down a god.
Bitter enough to pair with thunder.
An IPA worthy of the ride.
V. Jurassic Woof Was Born
Thus, Jurassic Woof entered the scrolls—not as a beverage, but as a hydration strategy. A divine IPA brewed for those moments when you're being carried across paradise by a lizard the size of a cathedral.
The beer was passed between panting gods and drooling dinos. Toasts were raised from the backs of stegosaurs. Somewhere in the distance, a triceratops barked back.
VI. Footnote for Mortals
Dinosaurs, of course, went extinct (BullyGods do occasionally forget to feed things), but the beer remains.
And though you may walk upright and lack a personal thunder-lizard, you can still honour their laziness, their logic, and their refreshment rituals.
Cheers to the Bullygods!